Moms deserve more support.
I used to buy tiny little newborn shoes as baby gifts or simply wouldn’t send anything at all. I of course always liked and commented on a new baby post though. That’ll fill up her cup. I got my sister a potty training toilet as a newborn baby gift. I was basically clueless as to what new mothers needed / wanted / absolutely did not want (newborn shoes or endless amounts of newborn sized clothing in case you were wondering.)
Once I became a mother, I was absolutely blown away by what a monumental change had just occurred. I actually felt guilt for not stopping by more houses dropping off food, rubbing mamas feet, changing the laundry or even offering to babysit. I realized that I was probably the one asking the most annoying of all questions, ‘How are you all sleeping?’ Walk a mile in another person’s shoes really does completely change your perspective. I no longer wanted to be the burden on a new mama. I wanted to be the cheerleader. I wanted to stay out of the way unless I could lend a hand. For me, of course it was so lovely to have people stop by and meet baby Ollie, but to be honest, it added stress to my life. It was overwhelming for me to host someone while managing a newborn schedule and demands, all while dealing with a whole range of postpartum hormonal changes. I totally get why some cultures support new mothers in resting for 40 days so that she can heal, properly. Proper healing takes time. I will shout that from a mountain top until my last breath. I rushed it. I was doing squats while pumping wearing compression panties post c-section. This is not a proper way to heal, and I’d argue it’s not safe either. I had anxiety about basically everything, but no awareness about maternal mental health. I think a lot of this is normal, however that doesn’t make it something that we continue onwards with. 1.5 years after having Ollie, and my core still feeling quite wonky, I decided to study perinatal yoga. I knew there must be a better way and I wanted to learn it and then share it.
I do this work because mom’s deserve more support. I share these stories so that when you have the privilege to visit a newborn, you'll remember to also wash a dish or fold the laundry. It’s my opinion, and this may rub people the wrong way, but I say it in defense of all postpartum women worldwide - you gotta earn that time to hold the newborn. I didn’t feel this way until experiencing motherhood, so if you don’t feel the same, that’s ok (but please, don’t just go and hold the baby and ask mom endless questions. She’s tired.) This can all be flipped BTW. Some women have different postpartum experiences and want endless visitors and want reasons to leave the house. The feeling of loneliness is real. Moms deserve more support.
How can I help? I’m here for you when you feel ready to move. I host mom & baby yoga, prenatal yoga, family yoga and baby wearing bootcamps (hint hint Dad’s can join so mama can rest or simply have a moment without someone touching her.) I’ll be posting resources here, on instagram (@chelseawileyyoga) and eventually plan to upload some videos for you to practice at home, because I know that while it’s incredible to join a class outside with other people, it can also be hard to get from A to B as a new mama. My goal is to support you by removing barriers, not adding things to your endless list of to-dos. So with that, I’m here, and I cannot wait to see you soon.
photo shot by Emilie Bers at Ocean Beach @emilie.bers
